New semester, new goals?

A rooster.

Go ahead, imagine one. Describe what you're thinking there.

It has feathers all over, A beak. Skinny legs that are famously compared to upper-body only body builders. Sharp claws. A feathery tail that's confusing as to whether there's actually a tail or it's just all feathers. As well as a five-bagged scrotum sack looking like thing on top of it's head. The crown? Is that what they call it? Scrotum-crown fit for a cock. Hmmm how appropriate.

2 month long holiday just came to an end. New semester is about to begin tomorrow. Holidays this time, though long, didn't hold much for me in terms of getting anything done. I have to admit, I'm not exactly in any sort of euphoric or comfortable state as I'm writing this. The second month in the year has already set a path to what seems to be a potentially rough 2016 (boner-touch, cause you know, touching actual wood has gotten pretty old). 

Grandmother suffered from a heart attack last week, but's she's been doing well and stable since. Rough moment for the family. The dynamics of how I found out that she was having a heart attack was pretty unusual. She came in as a patient in the evening to the local clinic where I was doing my posting at that very time. It's hard to explain what I felt at that time, and for some reason, I feel this guilt.

I've been living in my own shell for too long. Don't get me wrong, I do go outside, I do meet new people every now and then. Yet, I am so very lost. Forgetting things. Forgetting words. Missing a charm I once had for speeches. Have I had some sort of mini-stroke? 

There's this pain

Along with a whisper

Of a solemn prayer

Do no evil do your best

The speech sounds

The pain echoes

Seeping through the thoughts

Of a man that wants to be heard

A man that has lost his words.

She used to call me her eagle, and she my parrot. 

But, am I just rooster?

Yaohh D:

Mak kau jinjang

A square has four sides.
Some would say it has two, it's inside and outside.
Like you, you two-sided douche.
Other's say eight.
Four in, four out.

Well I don't give eight, four or even two hoots about a damn square.
I laik triangles.
______________________________________________________________________________

Hello hello hello and welcome to all the people gathered here today. And when I say all the people I mean just me. I'm sure you're expecting a tantalizing experience here today at the words of The Scribbler. I've had a slow, boring week. Nothing much except dwelling on calls and fixing appointments. Oh so boring. Have I made any effort to be any less boring? Everything I say and talk and type and write seems to put people to sleep. I should get hired to start talking to kids as an alternative to lullabies for bedtimes.

I remember why I hate highways. I don't drive. Phobia. Fears of collisions. Flashes of automobiles fusing and mashing. No I don't drive. Yet, I have the little orange card people seem to posses for legal driving documentation. A license goddamit. Just say you have a damn licence.

Why do I hate highways? There's just too many things on the road. I cycle. Well I used to a lot back then, but I used the low roads. The back alleys. The not highway roads. I like those paths. There's always something new to discover at every new turn. And you can afford to make turns on a bicycle because petrol doesn't come into play. Just pedals and sweat.

I went cycling today, on the bicycle I got a few weeks back. I planned to cycle to the Kepong Metro Park, just in time for the evening kite flyers. I didn't make it. Took three wrong turns and the day reached its dusk. To be honest, I could have gotten there within an hour. An hour would have meant the highway. I was going on the low roads, bypassing the highway before being cock-blocked by a river.

I learnt the hard way, and as much as I refuse to say this, there are some places you can't reach on a bicycle without sucking up to a highway. And I wasn't planning on adding swimming to the daily happenings either.

Fuck you Sungai Jinjang.

Yaohh :D

Braderr...

shhhhhhhhivaaaaa
kamini somaaaaaaa
kanakram shivaaaaaaaaaaaa 
kaminisomakanakram hey! 

So the last few posts went on serious, a little less carefree from my part. Don't know why, I felt like rambling on about something important. Important.... Ever notice it, that the word important actually looks and sounds.....important? Hmmm ughh uno momento, meesa no talko importanto no si no more.

My subconscious narration seems to be taken over by a Mexican Jar Jar Binks. Anyways, I have just returned from a day and night with a good company of friends. Chinese New Year open houses in the mornings, and a surprise (well, kind of a surprise) birthday celebration for Kelvin. Who Kelvin is I have no time of writing here. You might as well assume he's a measurement unit for temperature.

But like the measurement unit of temperature which is important in the measurement world, Kelvin is important to me. Ughh meesa usa importanto word again si senor meesa no hear no more mucha. Shut your shit-hole Jar Jar.

I came across a quote a few weeks back. I think it was on 9gag but I might be wrong. There's the common saying ''Life's too short''. I never saw the irony in that statement before. Life's too short? ''Life, is the longest thing anyone can ever experience'' - that's the quote. Hmmm yeah, life is never put on pause, nor is it ever gone on repeat mode or re-winded or brought into fast forward. It happens all the time. Yet, I guess I only remember it every now and then when I stop for a second and actually think about life. Meesa thinks yousa waste a lot of time si thinking about life than living yousa life.

Damn you Jar J.... hey, that's not entirely wrong at all. Si si mucha gracious meesa gotta go now bai bai.

Hopefully that's the last of him. Anyways, there are people in my life I'm grateful for. So, here's three cheers to Erwin. Who Erwin is I have no time of writing here either. You might as well assume he's Erwin Schrodinger, holding a cat hostage to prove a point.

But like Schrodinger, the Erwin I know is one determined hell of a guy. And every now and then, life hits a little harder on him. And in that every now and then, I've seen him pick himself back up time and time again.

So two great friends of mine. What have they enlightened me with? Life, actually. Haha the true story there is much darker in tone than I would ever possibly admit. Hola senor, meesa thinks yousa should staph.

Eh bitch, who the fuck gave you a return ticket?

Apart from the hostility with the real menace from The Phantom Menace, I feel good. Just fine. Being sad and quiet and lonely and self-loathing is easy, but it takes effort for someone who has been all that to become a much more loving person. It's not easy to be happy, so work on it.

Work, bitch.

Yaohh :D

The search is over?

The concept of a supreme being was one I understood and accepted as a child. I was born a Hindu. Though I never learned the manthra and read the texts of Hinduism, my family practised it nevertheless. All I understood back then was that there were a lot of deities, and each one of them represented a part of life that I should pray to receive blessing. There was education, finance, love, strength, etc. And my family doesn't consume beef and pork. Beef cause of religious reasons and pork simply because we never had the habit of eating it. There was a general understanding that pork was considered dirty, which correlates to Islamic beliefs.

I lost most of my faith in religious belief when I was 15. My grandfather passed on, and I was struck with a bolt of reality. It was the first major death I had to face in my life, and I found myself a little reckless and less defined by my past belief as time went on. By the time I left school, I had no spiritual connection at all.

I saw science as the way to go. Science made sense to me. Science was concrete and presented itself with proof. Science felt promising to me. I had dreams to invent, dreams to produce something from concepts that I could learn from the world. I felt inspired by the things I read in school textbooks. Scientist interview videos on the internet. New discoveries, fascinating possibilities were simply amazing to hear.

On my 20th year of life, I was a confused soul. I lost a bit of my interests in the science world. Not because I did not believe. You can't not believe something that's there with solid proof. I was confused, trying to make of my own understanding of the world. Am I actually in the right track? Do I not need faith in God? Are all those religions out there, are they true?

I explored the existing religions around me. Malaysia is one diverse place in terms of that, we have Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Hindu, Taoism, Sikhism, all in sizable communities. Since it was easily accessible, it was easy to find out about them. So you could say, I went on a survey of sorts on finding the truth.

My basis of this was, because there was a lot of hate going around. People felt protective of their religions and defended them against others. There was an air of tension that very little people addressed. Actually, a part of me thought that the issue began because an unnecessary issue had been addressed unnecessarily.

I met a lot of new people, made many friends. They were willing to talk about their beliefs, with no prejudice to what mine were. At times, I felt like a hypocrite and a fake. I thought to myself, I'm pretending to agree to what they belief in, I really don't believe it. After a while, I realized, I don't have to believe what people believe in to understand and accept what they believe in. The concept of beliefs are individual, and if we go around trying to scrutinize people just because they don't believe in the same things as us, the world's going to be a terrible place to live in.

So here I am, accepting that I will not be able to commit myself to any doctrine I've come across so far. I have to be sure of this, because it is something I've been struggling with for quite some time. I've taken the time for research and discussion, maybe not enough but I conclude, to myself and for no one else, that I will do life through my own beliefs. I accept others for what they believe in, and I have no obligation to make them doubt their belief or reject it. If you truly believe it, be happy and free in doing so.

I watched a YouTube video on Neil deGrasse Tyson yesterday. He spoke about how the universe has much to offer and that we have barely scraped the surface. I'm no close to becoming an astrophysicist like him, but the way he presented himself and the way he speaks of what he believes, of what motivates him, brought back a long lost feeling of excitement and eagerness to learn.

Do what feels right to you, and the world will be alright.

Yaohh :D

Well, fuck you.

Well, fuck you.

.........

..............

..................

Yeah, that's all there is to this post actually. Just felt like saying that.

Yaohh :D

Meesa back

It's been quite some time since I wrote. Why?

Well, I think it's because I figured nobody was reading this blog anyway, so why bother? It's not like it's doing any good, nor does it make any reasonable impact.

But somehow it did. In those weeks of typing out and posting my thoughts and rants, I actually felt better about things. About people. About myself. I felt free. I felt that I have a secret that I'm not embarrassed about, yet nobody knows it.

Well, duhh a secret ain't no secret if somebody knows *insert sorority freshman voice here*

So what have I done with life since this sabbatical? Sabbatical.... I think that's the first time I've used that word. Not entirely sure if it's even in the right context here. New semester is about to start in less than three weeks and I've just finished printing my notes and submitting my elective report. But I don't want to talk about that. I don't feel like talking about that.

Not my actual bicycle.
Actual product is less animated. Did not come together with pictured brunette either.

What's new? I have a new bicycle. Not many people know about it, and I like it like that. It was love at second sight. Second because another bicycle came in between but then I realized I couldn't afford that one so I took another look at this one and the rest was, as they say, a story of boy meets bicycle.

I've only rode it two, maybe three times so far. I'm just waiting to bring it to my apartment so I can cycle in the park in the evenings, or even to other places *wink wink*

Other places... You'd think I was talking about like underground, dark alley, nobody goes there kinda places. No. You go to a strip club to see some bicycle action, not bring an actual bicycle there. No man, you just don't do that. No bruh.

What I wanted to do was to learn how to drive. But I made the mistake of telling too many people about that. See, that's a mistake on my part. I've realized the more people I inform of my intentions, people that I have no reason to inform to, the more likely I'm not going to do whatever I preached in the first place. It's like some sort of laze-mechanism, like you feel half the job is done just because you've told someone. It's the root behind every procrastinator out there. I don't want to go there. I have too much on line now. There's no turning back. All there is, is to straight ahead, will full force and might, nothing less yet everything more.

Yaohh :D