End it.

Have you ever held a pack of cigarettes in your hand?
I have.

Have you ever held a cigarette between your lips?
I have.

Lighting it up, breathing it in?
Stick after stick, ashes to ashes, smoke up in the air, tar down your lungs.

Why do I do it?

How's life?

It's like every day that I make it alive is a blessing by itself.

Guess who's broke?

A few weeks back, I was contemplating to breaking the law just to make a few extra bucks. A friend of mine hit me back with reality, so nothing actually went down.

But the fact still remains valid, I is so so broke. Might sell off one of my kidneys. Problem is, I don't know how to. My laziness to find out is probably the reason why my left renal artery still has a function.

Amidst my broke-ness, I bought a box of cigarettes a couple of weeks back. Big mistake. A week later, I bought another one. Life has been stressful lately, and no soul in sight to pour my words. I bought another stick yesterday, Dun-hill, smoked it from my balcony.

I have to stop. This is not me. It's not that I don't smoke. I don't mind smoking, but I don't want this to become a habit. Once it becomes a habit, it defines me. Like if someone were to ask, hey who's he? And someone else goes like, ''Oh, you know, he's a smoker.'' -ish something like that. Nope nope nope.

Gotta lay off all these tobacco for a few weeks to get it out.

Yaohh :D

?Poop

When's the last time you've discussed poop?

Yeah, poop. The stuff that comes out of your butt. Comes in all shapes and sizes, different colours different textures. Shit, exactly.

Now one of the common questions in a medical history is the fecal report. The texture, consistency, frequency and colour of the stool can tell a lot about a person's health and any diseases that may be present. 

But ask yourself again, when's the last time you've actually discussed poop? Ever asked someone about their fecal passage with confidence and compassion. Now, that's no dialogue that just pops up in a usual social interaction, but it is undeniably common in the medical setting. 

Asking questions that are unusual are a challenge. Some people have been sent behind bars for the nature of the questions they have raised, or in some cases, the way those questions are phrased. Usually, in any conversation, prioritizing the privacy and the compassion of the person who is being questioned is crucial, so it's up to the questioner to be the best questioner they possibly can.

Questions. Questions everywhere. I have a question I'd like to ask myself - how did I end up agreeing to go to prom? 

Couldn't say no. There were a bunch of friends from the batch that apparently were so riled up about the fact that some us from the batch decided not to go for the annual ball. Personally, I have no interest in attending balls or proms or gala dinners that cost 10 days worth of food for a one night experience. Well, the previous prom I attended wasn't the best of experience for me, albeit I went with the only person I would have gone with, and I know that. And all this while, I've been holding that against me, ruing the whole thing. I guess, it's time to just put all that behind. Time for a fresh experience, one with no strings, just me and my fellow course-mates sending salutations to each other before we separate and follow different paths in our journey to become medical practitioners. ME214, you have my heart.

XOXO,

H.G.

Yaohh :D

New semester, new goals?

A rooster.

Go ahead, imagine one. Describe what you're thinking there.

It has feathers all over, A beak. Skinny legs that are famously compared to upper-body only body builders. Sharp claws. A feathery tail that's confusing as to whether there's actually a tail or it's just all feathers. As well as a five-bagged scrotum sack looking like thing on top of it's head. The crown? Is that what they call it? Scrotum-crown fit for a cock. Hmmm how appropriate.

2 month long holiday just came to an end. New semester is about to begin tomorrow. Holidays this time, though long, didn't hold much for me in terms of getting anything done. I have to admit, I'm not exactly in any sort of euphoric or comfortable state as I'm writing this. The second month in the year has already set a path to what seems to be a potentially rough 2016 (boner-touch, cause you know, touching actual wood has gotten pretty old). 

Grandmother suffered from a heart attack last week, but's she's been doing well and stable since. Rough moment for the family. The dynamics of how I found out that she was having a heart attack was pretty unusual. She came in as a patient in the evening to the local clinic where I was doing my posting at that very time. It's hard to explain what I felt at that time, and for some reason, I feel this guilt.

I've been living in my own shell for too long. Don't get me wrong, I do go outside, I do meet new people every now and then. Yet, I am so very lost. Forgetting things. Forgetting words. Missing a charm I once had for speeches. Have I had some sort of mini-stroke? 

There's this pain

Along with a whisper

Of a solemn prayer

Do no evil do your best

The speech sounds

The pain echoes

Seeping through the thoughts

Of a man that wants to be heard

A man that has lost his words.

She used to call me her eagle, and she my parrot. 

But, am I just rooster?

Yaohh D:

Mak kau jinjang

A square has four sides.
Some would say it has two, it's inside and outside.
Like you, you two-sided douche.
Other's say eight.
Four in, four out.

Well I don't give eight, four or even two hoots about a damn square.
I laik triangles.
______________________________________________________________________________

Hello hello hello and welcome to all the people gathered here today. And when I say all the people I mean just me. I'm sure you're expecting a tantalizing experience here today at the words of The Scribbler. I've had a slow, boring week. Nothing much except dwelling on calls and fixing appointments. Oh so boring. Have I made any effort to be any less boring? Everything I say and talk and type and write seems to put people to sleep. I should get hired to start talking to kids as an alternative to lullabies for bedtimes.

I remember why I hate highways. I don't drive. Phobia. Fears of collisions. Flashes of automobiles fusing and mashing. No I don't drive. Yet, I have the little orange card people seem to posses for legal driving documentation. A license goddamit. Just say you have a damn licence.

Why do I hate highways? There's just too many things on the road. I cycle. Well I used to a lot back then, but I used the low roads. The back alleys. The not highway roads. I like those paths. There's always something new to discover at every new turn. And you can afford to make turns on a bicycle because petrol doesn't come into play. Just pedals and sweat.

I went cycling today, on the bicycle I got a few weeks back. I planned to cycle to the Kepong Metro Park, just in time for the evening kite flyers. I didn't make it. Took three wrong turns and the day reached its dusk. To be honest, I could have gotten there within an hour. An hour would have meant the highway. I was going on the low roads, bypassing the highway before being cock-blocked by a river.

I learnt the hard way, and as much as I refuse to say this, there are some places you can't reach on a bicycle without sucking up to a highway. And I wasn't planning on adding swimming to the daily happenings either.

Fuck you Sungai Jinjang.

Yaohh :D

Braderr...

shhhhhhhhivaaaaa
kamini somaaaaaaa
kanakram shivaaaaaaaaaaaa 
kaminisomakanakram hey! 

So the last few posts went on serious, a little less carefree from my part. Don't know why, I felt like rambling on about something important. Important.... Ever notice it, that the word important actually looks and sounds.....important? Hmmm ughh uno momento, meesa no talko importanto no si no more.

My subconscious narration seems to be taken over by a Mexican Jar Jar Binks. Anyways, I have just returned from a day and night with a good company of friends. Chinese New Year open houses in the mornings, and a surprise (well, kind of a surprise) birthday celebration for Kelvin. Who Kelvin is I have no time of writing here. You might as well assume he's a measurement unit for temperature.

But like the measurement unit of temperature which is important in the measurement world, Kelvin is important to me. Ughh meesa usa importanto word again si senor meesa no hear no more mucha. Shut your shit-hole Jar Jar.

I came across a quote a few weeks back. I think it was on 9gag but I might be wrong. There's the common saying ''Life's too short''. I never saw the irony in that statement before. Life's too short? ''Life, is the longest thing anyone can ever experience'' - that's the quote. Hmmm yeah, life is never put on pause, nor is it ever gone on repeat mode or re-winded or brought into fast forward. It happens all the time. Yet, I guess I only remember it every now and then when I stop for a second and actually think about life. Meesa thinks yousa waste a lot of time si thinking about life than living yousa life.

Damn you Jar J.... hey, that's not entirely wrong at all. Si si mucha gracious meesa gotta go now bai bai.

Hopefully that's the last of him. Anyways, there are people in my life I'm grateful for. So, here's three cheers to Erwin. Who Erwin is I have no time of writing here either. You might as well assume he's Erwin Schrodinger, holding a cat hostage to prove a point.

But like Schrodinger, the Erwin I know is one determined hell of a guy. And every now and then, life hits a little harder on him. And in that every now and then, I've seen him pick himself back up time and time again.

So two great friends of mine. What have they enlightened me with? Life, actually. Haha the true story there is much darker in tone than I would ever possibly admit. Hola senor, meesa thinks yousa should staph.

Eh bitch, who the fuck gave you a return ticket?

Apart from the hostility with the real menace from The Phantom Menace, I feel good. Just fine. Being sad and quiet and lonely and self-loathing is easy, but it takes effort for someone who has been all that to become a much more loving person. It's not easy to be happy, so work on it.

Work, bitch.

Yaohh :D